and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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