now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
