grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
