i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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