I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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