I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
