i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
