Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
