Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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