She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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