I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
