Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
