i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize