what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
