WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Say something about gay babies.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
