I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
