Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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