if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize