omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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