Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
