I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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