When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i think i have two assholes
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
