I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
