How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
