we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
