I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
