oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
