i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
