If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
