Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
