you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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