Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Randomize
