remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
