i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
how does that bad decision feel?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
