I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
