i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
