Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
