Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
