I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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