i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
