I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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