im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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