I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
