just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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