Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
