but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
