S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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