i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
