My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
