D3 body, D1 cock
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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