I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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