the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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