You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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