I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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