Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
no you cant smoke seaweed
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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