No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
