she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
