Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
