I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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