I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize