my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
