U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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