The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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