I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
