my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
