his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
