I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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