Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
