I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Randomize
