I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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