I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
