You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
