I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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