So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
