i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
