Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
