I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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