So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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