just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
