one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
