my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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