so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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