What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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