Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
