I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
