There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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