You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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