I cannot find my penis.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize