shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
