yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
