You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
