it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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