last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize