Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
