I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
