Banned from zoo.
Again?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
