1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
