I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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