Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
