we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
