I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
