I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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