do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
